The story behind the summit
The Great Capitol Hill Candy Desk Summit
Fictional satire · condensed from the original story
The afternoon Senate session stalled when Trump opened the Candy Desk and found a few butterscotch discs and peppermint swirls. “People talk about it like it’s Willy Wonka’s factory,” he complained.
The senator responsible explained that constituents donated the classic American sweets. Trump waved a wrapper. “For years, Congress has been getting weak snacks. Terrible sugar deals.”
The majority leader tried to return to the infrastructure amendment. “We have a snack emergency,” Trump announced. Aides unveiled a chocolate fountain, cotton candy machines, and a gold-plated jumbo gummy-bear dispenser. “The Sweetest Bill in History!”
A clerk quietly lifted a stack of legislative binders from the original desk. Underneath was a fresh box of king-sized chocolate bars. Trump paused mid-bite of cotton candy and walked over.
He weighed a bar approvingly. “Okay, that’s actually tremendous. Keep the fountain in the lobby, pass the infrastructure bill, and somebody get me a glass of milk.”